On roaches and self-discipline
Ok-ok ra jud ang tambal sa biga.
A few minutes ago, as I was going down the stairs for my smoke break, three absolutely adorable cockroaches in a beautifully synchronized movement flew right at me. With the agility and reflexes of a drunkard, I snapped my head to the side to avoid them, effectively banging my head on the wall thus allowing two of them to land on top of my head.
I squealed like a pig in heat.
Amazingly, I managed to stop myself from swatting them with my bare hands. Well, images of a squashed roach messing my beautiful hair did help, but hey, at least I didn’t spill my beer. After finally managing to get them off my head by doing head-bangs that Steven Tyler would have been proud of, I half ran, half leaped down into open space.
As my heart rate started to settle down, I took an extra large sip of beer, lit a cigarette, and zoned out.
My thoughts immediately went into what just happened. Upon reflection, I realized that, far from embarrassing, my initial reaction was as natural as the stock market’s reaction to Pnoy’s SONA. OK, so that’s stretching it a bit. What I mean is, most people’s automatic response upon seeing roaches is not unlike mine. A rare few could maintain a dignified stance. But hell, when these beauties start flying, even Thor would’ve screamed until thorsday.
Sorry, couldn’t help inserting that pun.
Anyway, I got to thinking that, seeing as how most of us react to roaches, what if we use roaches to strengthen our self-discipline? We could keep them as pets, you know, for those moments when we can’t control ourselves. For example, when one just can’t seem to remain faithful to a dieting regimen, one would simply take these pets out for a walk in, say, one’s arm or leg. Or, during those moments of extreme and misplaced lust, one could simply take a handful of roaches and let them roam free in one’s crotch. Or, when you feel that you’re being lied to, throw a couple in their faces and threaten to throw more until they tell the truth.
The possibilities are endless.
I am now considering going into the roach-for-pets business. A quick feasibility study shows that, with a very minimum capital, it could become a lucrative business. Raising roaches don’t require many resources. Hell, just throw in a dozen or so, add some leftover food and voila! Your very own roach colony.
“Roaches for life’s nuisances”
That would be my slogan. I would revolutionize the self-help industry by offering a cheap yet effective way of helping one maintain self-discipline. I would then be known as the roach king! Eventually, someone would write an autobiography of me detailing my intimate partnership with these delightful insects. Hell, I may even become Time’s Man of the Year.
But enough pipe dreams. As business-minded people like to say, less talk, more action.
So, who wants to be my business partner?