That elusive hash brown drowned in melancholia
Today was no different from the previous days of the past weeks. Nothing new, nothing remarkable. Not even a single second offered a chance to break the monotony. Why then do I now feel that there was something today that I should have noticed; should have remembered? It wasn’t the book I read, nor was it the movie I watched. Not even the food I had for lunch, however unusual it was (pancit canton and kamote, shet! Never again!!)
It’s funny how sometimes, before I go to sleep, I suddenly remember something. Or rather, almost remember something. It’s there, at the tip of my thoughts yet so damn elusive. The kind of thought that drives sleep away, making you irritable until you’re left wanting to drive a 4-inch nail through your head.
I was already in bed half an hour ago and since then I’ve sat up, stood, peed, paced, muttered, dressed, undressed again, booted my laptop, until here I am writing about nothing and everything.
All I know is, it is profound. Yet, stupid as it sounds, I have no idea what IT is. An idea or a thought perhaps, one that was lying in the surface of the subconscious waiting to spring as if a trap.
It’s like seeing an equation on the blackboard and feeling that you know the answer but try as you might all you get are fragments teasingly floating just inches away from your outstretched arms. Makes me remember that “no universe” therapy, starting small then gradually getting bigger until you get to the concept of the universe, and trying like hell to imagine that it doesn’t exist. How can nothing exist in nothingness when there is nothing to compare to its being nothing?
“A blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn’t even there.” That’s psychology for you. There are times when I firmly believe that psychology came about because man refused to accept the reality of illusion and deceit as the dictators of existence.
Enough about that! I’m sane enough to know when to give in to insanity. But I haven’t reached the point where it becomes necessary to uproot the foundations of my beliefs just to satisfy an elusive thought.
It must have been the kamote.
Yup, no doubt about it. G’nyt!